A Little Priest (also known as 'The Pie song' in the sheet music) is a song sung by both Mrs. Lovett and Todd telling about what they are going to do to the bodies of Todd's customers.
Lyrics[]
2007 Version:[]
[MRS. LOVETT]
That's all very well, but what we gonna do about him?
[SWEENEY TODD]
Later on when it's dark, we'll take it to some secret place and bury him
[MRS. LOVETT]
Oh yeah. Of course we could do that
I don't 'spose he's got any relatives gonna come pokin' 'round lookin' for him
Seems a downright shame...
[TODD]
Shame?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Seems an awful waste...
Such a nice, plump frame
Wot's 'is name has...
Had...
Has
Nor it can't be traced...
Bus'ness needs a lift
Debts to be erased...
Think of it as thrift
As a gift
If you get my drift
Seems an awful waste...
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
If you get it...
[TODD]
Ah!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Good, you got it!
Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast!
Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!
(simultaneously)
[TODD]
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
[MRS. LOVETT]
Well, it does seem a waste...
[TODD]
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Think about it...
[TODD]
Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived
Without you all these years, I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be comin' for a shave
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!
[TODD]
How choice!
How
Rare!
For what's the sound of the world out there?
[MRS. LOVETT]
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?
[TODD]
Those crunching noises pervading the air!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!
[TODD]
It's man devouring man, my dear!
[BOTH]
And/Then who are we to deny it in here?
[TODD, spoken]
These are desperate times
Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!
[TODD]
What is that?
[MRS. LOVETT]
It's priest. Have a little priest
[TODD]
Is it really good?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Sir, it's too good, at least!
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh
[TODD]
Awful lot of fat
[MRS. LOVETT]
Only where it sat
[TODD]
Haven't you got poet, or something like that?
[MRS. LOVETT]
No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!
Lawyer's rather nice
[TODD]
If it's for a price
[MRS. LOVETT]
Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice!
[TODD]
Anything that's lean?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Well, then, if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it's clean
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!
[TODD]
Is that squire, on the fire?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Mercy no, sir, look closer
You'll notice it's grocer!
[TODD]
Looks thicker
More like vicar!
[MRS. LOVETT]
No, it has to be grocer --
It's green!
[TODD]
The history of the world, my love --
[MRS. LOVETT]
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors!
[TODD]
Is those below serving those up above!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Ev'rybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors!
[TODD]
How gratifying for once to know
[BOTH]
That those above will serve those down below!
[TODD]
What is that?
[MRS. LOVETT]
It's fop
Finest in the shop
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun --
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily
Have one!
[TODD]
Put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it's going to run!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Try the friar
Fried, it's drier!
[TODD]
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Then actor
It's compacter!
[TODD]
Ah but always arrives overdone!
(spoken)
I'll come again when you have judge on the menu!
(sung)
Have charity towards the world, my pet!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Yes, yes, I know, my love!
[TODD]
We'll take the customers that we can get!
[MRS. LOVETT]
High-born and low, my love!
[TODD]
We'll not discriminate great from small!
No, we'll serve anyone
Meaning anyone
[BOTH]
And to anyone
At all!
1979-1982 Version:[]
Seems a downright shame Shame? Seems an awful waste Such a nice, plump frame
Wot's his name has Had Has Nor it can't be traced
Business needs a lift Debts to be erased Think of it as thrift as a gift If you get my drift, no?
Seems an awful waste I mean, with the price of meat What it is? When you get it If you get it, hah Good, you got it
Take for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop Business never better using only pussycats and toast Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion Well, it does seem a waste Eminently practical And yet appropriate as always, it's an idea
Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived Without you all these years, I'll never know How delectable, also undetectable Think about it
Lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be comin' for a shave Won't they? Think of all them pies
How choice How rare
For what's the sound of the world out there? What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound?
Those crunching noises pervading the air Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd Yes, all around It's man devouring man, my dear And then who are we to deny it in here?
These are desperate times Mrs. Lovett and desperate measures are called for Here we are, now, hot out of the oven What is that?
It's priest, have a little priest Is it really good? Sir, it's too good, at least Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh So it's pretty fresh
Awful lot of fat only where it sat Haven't you got poet, or something like that? No, y'see, the trouble with poet is 'Ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest
Heavenly Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps But then again Not as bland as curate, either
And good for business too Always leaves you wantin' more Trouble is We only get it on Sundays
Lawyer's rather nice If it's for a price Order something else, though to follow Since no one should swallow it twice
Anything that's lean Well then, if you're British and loyal You might enjoy Royal Marine Anyway, it's clean
Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been Is that squire on the fire? Mercy, no sir, look closer You'll notice it's grocer
Looks thicker, more like vicar No, it has to be grocer, it's green
The history of the world, my love Save a lot of graves Do a lot of relatives favors Is those below serving those up above
Everybody shaves So there should be plenty of flavors How gratifying for once to know That those above will serve those down below
Now let's see, here we've got tinker Something pinker Tailor? Paler, Butler? Subtler Potter? Hotter, Locksmith?
Lovely bit of clerk Maybe for a lark
Then again there's sweep If you want it cheap And you like it dark Try the financier, peak of his career
That looks pretty rank Well, he drank, it's a bank Cashier, never really sold Maybe it was old Have you any Beadle?
Next week, so I'm told Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and Notice 'ow, well, it's been greased Stick to priest
Now then, this might be a little bit stringy But then of course it's fiddle player No, this isn't fiddle player, it's piccolo player 'Ow can you tell? It's piping hot then blow on it first
The history of the world, my sweet Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd What does it tell? Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat
And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd Who gets to sell But fortunately, it's also clear That, but everybody goes down well with beer
Since marine doesn't appeal to you 'Ow about rear admiral? Too salty, I prefer general With or without his privates? 'With' is extra
What is that? It's fop Finest in the shop And we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd on top
And I've just begun Here's the politician, so oily It's served with a doily Have one, put it on a bun Well, you never know if it's going to run
Try the friar Fried, it's drier No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy
Then actor, that's compacter Yes, and always arrives overdone I'll come again When you have judge on the menu
Wait, true, we don't have judge yet But we've got something you might fancy even better What's that? Executioner
Have charity towards the world, my pet Yes, yes, I know, my love We'll take the customers that we can get High-born and low, my love
We'll not discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone Meaning anyone And to anyone at all